I feel really good about a lot of things these past 2 weeks or so. It’s been nice; I hope it sticks around. I still don’t like my “situation” as far as home and work, but I think with this positive outlook, I’ll be ready to start making some changes soon. I’m a little late for looking into school, but I’ve starting job hunting again and I’m really itching to get back into photography. I think I’m going to have to get a less fancy camera than I want, but a camera is a camera and I sure miss having one. I have the need to start being creative again. Remember my old hobbies and my old self and doing what I want. I DO WHAT I WANT. It’s like a new concept to me!

I’ve spent a lot of time being social lately, too, which feels really refreshing. Nothing sucks more than being lonely and I think those feelings have fully washed away. It feels weirdly crazy to meet new people. Does that make any sense? I was accustomed to the same face(s) for years.. so, it’s really awesome to experience new people, new conversations. I still enjoy my spend-all-day-in-bed days, but I’ve been having fun, appreciating life, and smiling a lot more. Letting go of expectations, living in the moment. Laughing, too. A lot.

Would you like some examples? Here’s a good one. This past weekend, I watched Zombie Strippers and got hit on by a 19 year old. WHO ELSE CAN SAY THAT? Pretty sure you can’t, so I win. Also, I met Batman last night. He bought me a really awesome beer (chocolate + coffee + beer = amazing) and we watched the worst movie ever, Fletch. Honestly, who the hell was involved in that blasphemy? Turned it off less than halfway through because REALLY, had to. Don’t torture yourself, just trust me.

Remember when you were 16 and you heard Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle” and finally felt like someone understood you? You found someone to tell you it’s okay to be your own, do your best, it’s not the end, and it’s just going to take some time to get there. Or, wait, that was probably just me. It was nothing revolutionary, just a few minutes of some good, catchy music.I heard it the other day for the first time in years and felt the same away again. You’re right, Jim, this is just the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be just fine.

Jim is the dude from Jimmy Eat World, by the way. Not my personal God that I talk to in my head. In case I lost you there.

Somehow, I feel like I’ll always be in the middle of the ride. Last night, someone told me that I seem like the kind of girl who isn’t willing to settle down. I find that really true.. and a little depressing. I’m in a transitional stage right now, but I feel like there’s a lot of things I want to do in my life. As far as places I want to live, careers I want to pursue, things I want to learn, travels I want to make.  The idea of getting married & the house with 3 kids doesn’t appeal to me at all. I don’t want to be grounded. So, I know my ride will never reach a settling point. I’ll always be ready to check out what’s ahead the next curve, or plan which way to go at the next intersection. I can’t imagine stopping. The depressing part is that my views aren’t really of the social norm so .. will I ever find someone to come along with me?

+ I apparently got a raise and.. no one told me. I got a letter in the mail about my company benefits saying that they have changed due to my “recent salary change” and I said, “WHAAAAT.” So, I checked my HR shit online and, wouldn’t ya know. I make 35 more cents an hour. How ’bout that? Haha. You’re jealous, I see it.

+ I went to see The Book of Eli last night with some friends. I didn’t like the story at all. In fact, had I known anything about the movie beforehand, I probably wouldn’t have gone. I’m Atheist and the idea of people killing others for access to the Bible is, well, fucked up. I’ll leave it at that. But, I did enjoy Denzel’s ridiculous skillz (yeah, skillz) with his crazy knife sword.. thing and the cinematography was great. The ditzy girl from That 70’s Show was in it and she created some good humorous moments that did not fit into the plot. They tried too hard to make it really dramatic, also. The end was interesting.. and then it ended and I was like, “WHAAAAT, that’s it?”

+ I made butternut squash soup for dinner tonight. It was pretty delicious! Healthy. Yellow. Creamy.

+ I’ve been digging back into memories from the past few years. Mostly gasping over photographs I have and can’t believe how long it’s been and how I haven’t seen this person or that person in years. YEARS. I can’t believe I’m old enough to say that now; that I haven’t seen someone in years. It’s a little saddening how much we’ve all moved on, but it also makes me happy. I don’t regret anything, I love everybody I’ve ever known, and I had a lot of good times.

+ Tomorrow is Tuesday! That’s a good thing because I do NOT work Wednesday! Wahooo!

Yes, I know. How cliche`. I just deleted every post that ever existed. I am an ass.

My life is a completely new, clean slate.. so, I’d kinda like to start fresh here, too. Share that journey without the shadows of the past. I KNOW, I’m a little bipolar these days, so when I say this next sentence, you’ll be like, “Oh, whaaaatever.” But, listen, I really am feeling more positive. I’m at least going to focus on positive things as much as I can. Hopefully make some changes. Keep movin’ forward.